im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
