I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
