I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
