my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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