I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
