I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
