we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
