I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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