Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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