My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
