Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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