meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
