I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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