she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
