Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
