So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please, let me fuck your mom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
