i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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