Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
