Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
me + whiskey = a bad person
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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