Someone shit on the floor
I think my vagina is haunted
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
