i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
