watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
