I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
