you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
