Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
