Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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