you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
