I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
