this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
