it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
