The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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