I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
