If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
