Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
