No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
