your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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