2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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