Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
