Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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