Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
