i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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