How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
