Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
