Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
