for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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