how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
