Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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