Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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