she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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