I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
