speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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