happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
