Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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