Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
