your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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