i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
