half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
vagina is talking i cant
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
