i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
